just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
