I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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