shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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