yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
