i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dear god my vagina.
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