I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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