I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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