I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
