two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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