This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
