yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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