i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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