I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
