The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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