i need an iv and a liver transplant
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize