This is not my ceiling
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
