Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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