$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
