Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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