Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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