im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
