We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just gift wrapped bread.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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