Sponge bath it is.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Holy sore nipples Batman
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
