you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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