Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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