I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
