my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize