I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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