i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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