I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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