I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
