He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She's the barista slut.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize