if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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