when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
