I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There's always time for handjobs
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize