You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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