turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
