So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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