i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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