My room smells like vodka and shame
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
