they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
