the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
