I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize