I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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