Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize