If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
