Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
