I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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