I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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