He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize