dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
