I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You were trust falling into bushes
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
