bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
