maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
