Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Who died my cat blue again?
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