Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
