I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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