found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
