if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
