paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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