Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
