I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
