I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
