Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
